the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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