you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize