im six kinds of drunk right now
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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