I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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