Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
