oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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