My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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