I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
im on a boat
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