I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
