Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
