This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Too much gin, very little bucket
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He? As in you personified your dick?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
