you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
