so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
smell my finger.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
