So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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