you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
