why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She even gives head with a lisp.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
