Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish i was in the wii world.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
