How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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