LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
