may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
