you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
