Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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