I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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