So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
there is glitter all over my balls
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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