Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
