My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
