How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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