I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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