i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
