But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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