You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
