yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
