He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize