No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
