I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i need some magic done to my vagina
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