i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize