I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
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I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
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But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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