I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
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The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We're too hungover to prance.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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