You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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