I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize
