how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
