Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
