I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
is wine microwaveable?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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