I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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