I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
