My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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