Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
