last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
