There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize