You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We left an ass print on the piano.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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