Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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