How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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