dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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