If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
