somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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