I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
