if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Don't make out with my wife yet
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
