Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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