I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
