Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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