i jhust puked up my retainher.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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