drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You're a disaster
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