ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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