In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
