why didn't you poke me back
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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