i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
