is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
