then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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