he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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