I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
