I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
