watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
