I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
