it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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