i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
