my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
