we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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