I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
