It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
