do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
