So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
